i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
