Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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