she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
