he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
