I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
