You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
