You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
