Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
