Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
