does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize