frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
