I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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