I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
