So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
