I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
