I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
