Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
