I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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