Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
