just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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