Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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