I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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