operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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