Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
