It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
