i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
