I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
