I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
