I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
