I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
