scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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