i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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