I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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