omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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