Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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