You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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