you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know her cup size but not her name....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
