oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
