dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
