I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
