So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
