I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
