Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
