btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
nutella sex= disaster
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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