you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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