so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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