So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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