Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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