Please, let me fuck your mom
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize