hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
