Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
