you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
