how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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