Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
