dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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