So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
