3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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