I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
