You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
