i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
