Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize