i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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