I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
