***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
