we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
