What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
