i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my being single is dangerous.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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