If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
